My Dad, Parkinsons and Dementia

[Raven]

The home he's at is a really good one from the looks of it though. The carers are great, there's one there that's like a vibrant whirlwind, seemingly everywhere and always jollying the residents along. Dad calls her Rentagob :P and the two of them spar verbally the whole time. That's when he sounds like my Dad :) I got there and she said "Thank God, he's being a right grumpy so-and-so today, come on through and cheer him up!" which he denied of course!

[manda]

Dementia of any kind is so hard to watch isn't it...my grandmother was at home and had dementia...I always remember feeling so sad as I watched her slip away from being the person I had always known...the body was still the same but the person inside had gone somewhere else.

Sounds like "rentagob" is exactly what he needs to keep him on his toes

[ma larkin]

Best wishes to you and your Dad Raven

Ma Larkin

[lizziedoggarden]

Really feel for you Raven..must be gutwretching so see your Dad like that...I've looked after the elderly like your Dad..not easy when you are trying to duck fists when they come flying towards you...but his carers sound lovely...they "care"...so many don't nowadays..

[Maggie1]

Luckily my Sister and I talked about it when she was first diagnosed and she wanted me to deal with her money. I am going over this month to sort out power of atturney. That in its self is not cheap. The lowest fee if a solicitor is involved is costing a grand. Also having to travel from Ireland each time isn't cheap. Luckily we spoke about it earlier because if the solicitor was involved in selling the house would be about £5,000. I feel she's lucky as the Nursing Home she's in is a lovely place.

[rhubarb93]

Oh, Raven, some mothers...... Really tough for you with your dad, hope Susan won't mind if I send a

[Maggie1]

Did a flying visit to UK to try and sort out my sisters affairs. My sister is in a Nursing home and she is in the early stages of dementia so cabable of saying that she wants me to do her financial things. Saw the solicitor to do the power of atturney thing and the solicitor was fabulous and took her time explaining everything to me and my sister.
Then came the visit of the social services. In a nutshell she owns her own house so there is no leeway or help. Basically she has some money in the bank but thats not going to last long at £590 a week, so we've got to sell her house. I know its got to be done, its just heartbreaking to go through all her things and selling them to collect funds, some off them, things that were our Mums and Nans things and some are over 100 years old.
It just seems such a shame that she's worked all her life (71) never had time off to have children etc and its got to the stage of her things are having to go and pay for the care. I was told from the SS that as soon as her money goes including the house sale money she could be put into another home as if the SS didn't want to pay that amount they could shift her. Makes you wonder if its worth working hard all your life to be treated like this. Moan over but I'm sure a lot of people will agree with me

[Mo]

to Maggie and Raven
If there are things of sentimental value that you don't want to sell, care homes usually let residents have some of their own things with them. Or you could take them home with you and sell them later if the money is needed.
Clearing a house is hard, I can understand how you're feeling.

[Maggie1]

The nursing home are very good and have told us that my sisters room is her domain. She can have as much of her things as she wants in her room to be as much like her own home as possible. Obviously we are very limited in what we can take as her room would look like an antique shop. Theres loads of photo's, ornaments etc but its things like silver teasets,crockery etc even things like postcards and letters from Grandad from WW1. Things you can't and wouldn't sell. Its just the sorting out.
I had a similar thing happen 2 years ago with an Aunt. She was sectioned and we had to clear her flat. Luckily it was a council flat so didn't have that bother of selling. But still had to clear it and dispose. Luckily because we lived over a certain milage away from her flat the council took the stuff away.
We thought we'd retire to Ireland after and start a new life ho hum.

[Steve the Gas]

This does my head in

Sorry I would rather take a bullet than go in a home. Just my take on life...

[Maggie1]

Problem being Steve I think we all say that but it creeps up on you so quickly. 18 months ago she started to fall over,she had no problems till then. Then she was diagnosed with Lewis Body Dementia( a form of Parkinsons) In that 18 months she started having carers coming in 4 times a day and when they left at 8pm and she fell she wasn't found till morning. She was paying over £300 a week for them. When you added it up ie with household bills, food and sundries she was paying more than the Nursing Home charge of £590 a week which is 24/7 care.
18 months ago she had no problems walking, holidays and having a usual life for a 70 year old. Now she can't walk at all and can just about feed herself but has a bib to stop staining her clothes. Her memory is OK but she gets muddled, and she's in the early stages. Luckily she has said she wanted me to do the power of atturney. At the moment she is OK to say that and can stop it anytime if she wants to. The only time she can't stop it is if she is incapable.

[Maggie1]

I haven't seen Raven on here for a little while. I know his Dad has got the same sort of Dementia as my Sister (Lewis Body Dementia) I wonder if he is still around can I ask does your Dad sleep a lot. My Sister is constantly asleep. When I ask the staff why they just say its her condition or her medication. Shes on Paracetamol and Dixoflenic (So am I but I don't fall asleep all the time) Or perhaps somebody else has experience of this condition. Help

[ock]

yeah, he`s still around Maggie , I`m sure he`ll be on again soon

[Steve the Gas]

I was on Diclofenac?? and paras for years and nope that didn't happen- well not down to those anyhoo.
Still on paras....

[ChrisG]

I dont know you but anyway.

Dementia is the worst thing. You lose your relative long before they have actually 'gone'. My M-I-L had it and was in a nursing home for 10 years. We would turn up and find her in tears, saying stuff like 'mum's ill, I need to go to Scotland to be with her'. Well her mother had died more than 30 years before and had never been to Scotland in her life.

I think the worst part was where she knew something was going wrong, but didnt know how to stop it, fix it, change it. She was very frustrated and angry. Took it out on anyone passing. Eventually she either accepted it, or it took over anyway so she didnt think about it.

There was one time when it was actually positive. She had a fall and they had to replace her hip (she broke it in the fall). She couldnt remember what had happened and so she did the best thing for a hip replacement - she got up and walked! It hurt but she couldnt remember why. Then by the time she had sat down for a bit, she forgot again and got up to walk. Probably wouldnt have done it if she had been aware of the hop replacement.

Keep your chin up and enjoy the lucid moments when you can. It may sound harsh, but laughing about the things they say can be very therapeutic too. Humour is a great friend in such situations, becomes a coping mechanism.