Terrible joke thread

Jokes, word games, fun thread. NO DIRTY JOKES !
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

Trevor the farmer was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, to fertilise the pullets' eggs. Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favourite rooster was David, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed David's bell hadn't rung at all!

Trevor went to investigate.The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, David the chicken David had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Trevor was so proud of David, he entered him into the London Exhibition and David became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The Result?

The judges not only awarded David the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly David was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and doing them when they weren't paying attention.

Do you know a Pullitician called David?...........



:-D
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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paddy graham
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by paddy graham »

An Irishman walked out of a bar,-------------yes it,s possible.
When Irish eyes are smiling,they are usually up to mischief.
Maggie1

Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Maggie1 »

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:
"Windows frozen."
Husband texts back:
"pour some warm water over it."
Wife texts back:
"computer completely broken now."
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

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After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic’s swimming pool was still full.


)run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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AL37
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by AL37 »

How do you put a cork back in a champagne bottle?












Ask a Man United fan. )run(
[center]Relax, I could have been a twin.[/center]
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paddy graham
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by paddy graham »

I tried being normal once,it was the worst five minutes of my life.
When Irish eyes are smiling,they are usually up to mischief.
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

When chemists die, they barium .

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran .

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid . He says he can stop any time .

How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it .

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me .

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore .

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity . I can't put it down .

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words .

A dyslexic man walks into a bra .


Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there's no pop quiz .

Energizer battery arrested . Charged with battery .

I didn't like my beard at first . Then it grew on me .

How do you make holy water ? Boil the hell out of it !

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble .

What does a clock do when it's hungry ? It goes back four seconds .

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . Then it hit me !

Broken pencils are pointless .

I tried to catch some fog . I mist.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest .

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen . Police have nothing to go on .

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough .

Velcro - what a rip off !

Cartoonist found dead in home . Details are sketchy .

Venison for dinner ? Oh deer !

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure .

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.






)run( )run( )run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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redoak
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by redoak »

{rofwl} some of those are really excellent {rofwl}
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p.penn
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Re: Terrible joke thread

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Yes they are! )t'

Al - I didn't get your Man U one. :?
Helen xx

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p.penn
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by p.penn »

Which cheese should you use to entice a bear out of it's cave?

























Come on bear {rofwl} {rofwl} {rofwl}
Helen xx

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redoak
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Re: Terrible joke thread

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{rofwl} )grin2( )grin2( {rofwl}
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LittleBrownFrog
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by LittleBrownFrog »

{rofwl} {rofwl}
"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder..." Thoreau.
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HappyBob
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by HappyBob »

As a family we're trying to keep up with technology.
So I bought my son an iPod, my daughter an iPhone and myself an iPad.
I felt sorry for the wife, so I bought her an iRon, and that's when it all kicked off!
Dont ever grow up, its a trap
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LittleBrownFrog
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by LittleBrownFrog »

:-D very good!
"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder..." Thoreau.
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redoak
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by redoak »

Two Italian men get on a bus and take a seat behind a middle-aged lady.
An animated conversation takes place between the two Italians.

"Emma come first, den I come. Den two asses, dey come together. Den I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. Den I come again and pee twice. Den I come once more."

The lady looked round and angrily said, "You filthy foul-mouthed swine! In this country, we don't talk about our s.ex lives in public!"

"You coola down lady," said one Italian. "I'ma justa tellin my friend how to spella Mississippi."
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