Terrible joke thread

[paddy graham]

Two boys were playing,one was going "Brrrum Brrrrum" what you playing at said the first on,I,m a long distant lorry driver.So the other started doing press ups,what you doing then,making love to your wife while you are at work,he said.

[Panteg Produce]

[redoak]

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor."

[paddy graham]

After nearly 100 years Irish divers have found the swimming pool of the Titanic at the bottom of the Atlantic,they were suprised to find that was still full

[Panteg Produce]

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class..

A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Saviour?'

But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.

And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.

[paddy graham]

Police marksmen at Dale Farm opened fire,they finished up with a Goldfish,Teddybear and a ornament.
Irish Archaeologists have found what they beleive to e the worlds oldest man,he was 183,his name was Miles from Dublin.

[redoak]

[Panteg Produce]

[Steve the Gas]

All quality.

[redoak]

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. 'I'm so sorry, auntie, I've eaten all of your peanuts!"That's okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I've sucked the chocolate off, I don't really care for them anyway."

[Steve the Gas]

[saint-spoon]

[saint-spoon]

my neighbour asked if they use borrow my lawn mower, I said of course he could as long as it didn't leave my garden...

[saint-spoon]

I like to take an axe with me on family picnic outings just in case a wasp lands on the mother-in-law's neck...

[paddy graham]