Terrible joke thread

Jokes, word games, fun thread. NO DIRTY JOKES !
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HappyBob
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by HappyBob »

Yesterday my dog walked in with next doors rabbit in its mouth, it was so dead and covered in mud, I didnt want to get into trouble so as I knew they were out I washed the rabbit and popped it back in its cage. A few hours later I heard a scream and I went next door to see what was up, I saw the rabbit dead in its cage and I said "oh thats a shame" the neighbour said "no thats a blummin miracle, it died two days ago and we buried it"
Dont ever grow up, its a trap
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p.penn
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by p.penn »

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

{rofwl}
Helen xx

3 children, 3 grandchildren, 3 chooks, 3 fish, a shrimp that thinks its a prawn and a dappy dog.
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LittleBrownFrog
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by LittleBrownFrog »

{rofwl} {rofwl}
"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder..." Thoreau.
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Linda S
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Linda S »

You never realise what youve got till its gone Toilet paper being a good example !
And then there was one, Again!!!!
Jemima
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Linda S
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Linda S »

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said to my mate "that will be us in ten years" he said "thats a mirror d**k head
And then there was one, Again!!!!
Jemima
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Remembering Our Beautiful Foster Boys we are so sorry that we couldn't keep you
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AL37
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by AL37 »

Earlier today my wife said my face was a pitcher,
I kept my mouth shut about her jug like features. )run(
[center]Relax, I could have been a twin.[/center]
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p.penn
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by p.penn »

{rofwl}
Helen xx

3 children, 3 grandchildren, 3 chooks, 3 fish, a shrimp that thinks its a prawn and a dappy dog.
http://www.acountrygrandma.blogspot.com
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

A tanker of red paint collided with a tanker of blue paint on the M1 today. Both drivers were marooned

)run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

I have just found out that my Great Great Grandfather invented the cold air balloon.

Unfortunately it never really took off.

)run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego
when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken
down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going
to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my
truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back
which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit
stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road
all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for
me?
I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees
were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and
carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the
heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!

There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the
two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a
screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the
blond. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded,
"I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde,"but we had money
left over so now we're going to Sea World."


)run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

A man starts his new job at the zoo, and is given 3 tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show the others who's boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased; he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at the two chimps with a spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the bodies into the lion enclosure.

He moved on to the last job, which is to collect honey from the South American bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do, and throws them into the lion enclosure - because
lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"

The lion replies:






wait for it











wait for it










"Absolutely brilliant! Today we had fish, chimps and mushy bees!!!!!!"

)run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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p.penn
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by p.penn »

OMG - that is truly awful!!!! Hahahahahahahaha! {rofwl} {rofwl} {rofwl}
Helen xx

3 children, 3 grandchildren, 3 chooks, 3 fish, a shrimp that thinks its a prawn and a dappy dog.
http://www.acountrygrandma.blogspot.com
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ChrisG
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by ChrisG »

Oh dear! That did make me laugh! {rofwl} {rofwl} {rofwl}
Chris xx

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ock
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by ock »

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha {rofwl} {rofwl} {rofwl}
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Mo
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Mo »

Are you by any chance a Les Barker fan? I heard that story as a 'Albert' poem by him.
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