Down the Lane

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.

Like many people I am against hunting, in fact I will admit to being a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him, "No! this bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and furthermore will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"

Confused, the bartender says no.

"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"

There once was a man named Odd. People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.

Now when people pass by his burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."

A fisherman and his wife had twin sons named Towards and Away.

Once the boys were grown, the fisherman took them out to sea to learn the family fishing trade.

A week later, the mother saw her husband dock the boat all alone.

"Oh no! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried.

"We were just one day out to sea, when Towards hooked a great fish. He fought long and hard, but he was pulled over the side and swallowed whole by the fish."

"Oh dear, what a huge, horrible fish that must of been!"

"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away."

What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce?




















Chicken Caesar salad