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Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 06 Jul 2011, 18:49
by Panteg Produce
And you starter for ten is .....



A man walks into the bar and asks for a triple whisky.

The bar tender hands it over.

The man takes a sip and swallows then says 'you know, with what I've got, I shouldn't be drinking this'.

The bar tender asks 'what's that?'

the man replies...





'33p'


:-D

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 06 Jul 2011, 20:53
by LittleBrownFrog
{rofwl} That one is such a 'Dad' joke!

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 07 Jul 2011, 20:23
by Panteg Produce
Why is Cinderella crap at football?









She always runs away from the ball.

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 08 Jul 2011, 18:56
by Don Roberto
A man walks into a pub, and the landlord says "do you want to see my dancing duck" The landlord puts a biscuit tin on the bar, and stands a big white duck on the tin, the duck immediately starts to tap dance. The guy asks the landlord "how much do you want for the duck" "50 quid" says the landlord "and I'll throw the biscuit tin in for free" The guy has a pint and go's home. At 3.00 am he phones the landlord and asks "how do I stop this duck from dancing ?" The landlord says "take the duck off the biscuit tin, lift up the lid and blow out the candles".

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 09 Jul 2011, 15:03
by paddy graham
Don Roberto wrote:A man walks into a pub, and the landlord says "do you want to see my dancing duck" The landlord puts a biscuit tin on the bar, and stands a big white duck on the tin, the duck immediately starts to tap dance. The guy asks the landlord "how much do you want for the duck" "50 quid" says the landlord "and I'll throw the biscuit tin in for free" The guy has a pint and go's home. At 3.00 am he phones the landlord and asks "how do I stop this duck from dancing ?" The landlord says "take the duck off the biscuit tin, lift up the lid and blow out the candles".

{rofwl} {rofwl}

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 09 Jul 2011, 15:40
by p.penn
{rofwl} {rofwl}

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 09 Jul 2011, 15:48
by lizziedoggarden
{rofwl} {rofwl}

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 09 Jul 2011, 18:09
by Panteg Produce
There was a wooden train
and it had a wooden engine
It had wooden wheels and wooden doors and floors.

Guess what?



It wooden work!


{rofwl}

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 09 Jul 2011, 20:49
by paddy graham
Just been to the corner shop,
I bought four corners.

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 09 Jul 2011, 21:12
by spudley
what do you call a dear that cant see?







....noidea





what do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?






.....doyouthinkhesawus rex

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 10 Jul 2011, 07:14
by Steve the Gas
A deer that can't see and no legs?


Still no ideer.....

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 10 Jul 2011, 10:27
by foghornleghorn2
In a recent survey six out of seven dwarves admitted they were not happy.

I was at a quiz the other night and a question came up "Where do women have the curliest hair" ? Apparently the correct answer is Fiji :oops:

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 10 Jul 2011, 10:30
by ChrisG
foghornleghorn2 wrote:I was at a quiz the other night and a question came up "Where do women have the curliest hair" ? Apparently the correct answer is Fiji :oops:


{rofwl}

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 10 Jul 2011, 17:49
by Panteg Produce
I got a new pair of Meatloaf boxers. On the front it reads "I would do anything for love..." And on the back "...but I won't do that".



{rofwl}

Re: Terrible joke thread

PostPosted: 11 Jul 2011, 18:26
by Panteg Produce
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table... He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.



Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.




'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.



They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by
drinks.

They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She
listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.


The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings..

The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!


'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you
meet?'



'No,' she replies…












Wait for it…




















It's coming…















The suspense is killing you, isn't it?












She says,

'You just happened to catch my eye.’