Unethical funerals

[p.penn]

When my mum died I was with her. I sat with her in the funeral directors for an hour or so before the funeral. But, unlike another close relative where I felt her presence, she was gone, completely gone forever. A million miles away.

Because she converted to catholicism on her deathbed (really, like a hollywood film) I was left with a (slightly drunken) priest I didn't know, and a huge responsibility to do the right thing. Even though I was struggling I resisted the pressure to have a full on funeral in the church. I opted for what was the original plan with a few adjustments and, luckily, easiest for those of us who mourned - her grandchildren and myself. There was a lovely service, with the RC priest, at the crematorium and her ashes were buried in our village churchyard. I visit her regularly and keep her up to date with the gossip!

When I leave this mortal coil, furious as I will be to leave everyone I love, I would like to make things as easy for those who are left behind. That is all that matters to me. I think having a 'wish list' or should I say 'death wish' actually helps your family at a time when they don't need to make big decisions. If you have said what you want, there are no regrets for them. They know they have done the right thing.

Those we have lost still live in our hearts, memories and in our dreams.

[bookbinder]

Apparently we can be packed into fireworks! what a way to go out with a bang!

[Johnhson]

Well I let my Dad down - we went over his budget for the funeral! I don't think the undertaker was used to hard haggling and asking for prompt payment discount

Funerals are for the survivors, so we had one that comforted us.

Val & I want cardboard boxes in a field, as well as being green, should be cheap and we're mean.

[bookbinder]

As I have mentioned in the past I conduct many funerals and it is so sad when people do not discuss the event whilst still alive.... so many families are left wondering if they are doing the right thing!

Obviously sudden deaths can take al of us when we least expect it but if when we are young and fit we let it be known what we want and udate as neccessary....ahhhhh so much easier!

Of course one good way to save money (hopefuly) is to book and pay for your funeral in advance.....hopefully live for many years and save the more expensive funeral costs.....think it still works out at a saving rather than putting the money in a high interest account and watching the amount increase....cos how many of us would not be tempted to use the money for something else?

[hippichick]

Both my parents have already booked and paid for their funerals. They did this about five years ago, so that me and my siblings wouldn't have to worry about it. I think it's a good idea.

[Richard]

It's very interesting this. John made a valid point that funerals are often about us.
If it's unexpected, we tend not to go down a frugal route if only in fear that people think we are cheapskates.

Will friends etc. believe you when a Cardboard Box comes along and you say, "That's what he would have wanted".

To ensure this doesn't happen, I haven't mentioned it 'officially' but my Kids have explicit instructions that I have a Cardboard Box and my ashes go to my daughter Louises Grave.

On a funnier note, I've said they can draw pictures and write messages on it as well if they want, certainly decorate it appropriately to my character (that's asking for trouble!).

Well, anyone who does turn up know me well enough !

I'm leaving any plaque up to them, but it has to be wood and it has to be cheap, not many words.

I'll still be with them through my genes and in their thoughts. That's the main thing.

[mellonia]

I would like to be cremeted and have a reasonable coffin maybe wicker i think, i would like stargazer lillies on top as love the smell and want to waft down the aisle. and "nothing is gonna change my world " by the beatles playing i think thats what they call it.

Mellonia

[bookbinder]

One of the most interesting parts of arranging a funeral is when the family deceide what music they would like...yes it is lovely to walk serenly and gently down the isle (either n church or crem) to some gently choir or classical thingy.... not so easy to Status Quo and Queen etc...I love it! My only rule is that it must be loud...it's just not decent to play Status Quo etc quietly.

Line Dancing type music is also very popula in this area at the moment...it is so hard not to "dance" down the isle.

shirley bassey in full flow with Hey Big Spender caused a lot of smiles...yes a very rewarding and interesting job...

[chickentina]

the last funeral i went to was my aunties and the music was queen "don,t stop me now" and i have to say it was very fitting and lifted the whole funeral thing ...lovely xxxx

[bookbinder]

I always know its been a "good funeral" when the congregation are both laughing and crying!

[taff]

When my boyfriends friend died, they played the s.ex Pistols, which was what he was like.
For mine, I'd like to be cremated and scattered with my dogs ashes.
I'd also like the Crazy World of Arthur Browns Fire playing as I slide down the rollers, because if that doesn't give someone a laugh, the attendees would probably be dead already ;)

[untouchable]

What an interesting subject...

I want to be cremated, the thought of being 'down there' in the ground, yet people not being able to hug/see me isn't a thought I like. So cremation it is, job done. Not sure yet where my ashes would be scattered, I love the New Forest, so maybe down there somewhere.

At my Nans funeral, the lady on the organ was playing 'all things bright and beautiful', but she had jazzed it up a bit, and I got a real bad fit of the giggles....I got scowled at by my sister, and my eldest daughter hit me with the order of service, which made me even worse lol

With the comments to the wicker casket, my mums friend very sadly lost her fight with breast cancer several years ago, and she had a wicker coffin. Apparently it was beautiful, but it had been raining heavily the evening before her burial, and the coffin kept bobbing up in the grave where it was floating on the water. Quite distressing for her poor husband, but something the lady in question probably would have found quite amusing.

[saint-spoon]

At my Nans funeral, the lady on the organ was playing 'all things bright and beautiful', but she had jazzed it up a bit, and I got a real bad fit of the giggles....

My cousin had the very same song at her wedding. The line “The Purple headed mountainsâ€

[julie2]

My mum and dad lived in Australia, i have been to them on a few holidays. Then i got the phone call Dad had cancer, three months to live. I got on a plane (they sent me the money) I knew i wouldn't be comming home till he had died. We kept him at home and he died nine months later, at home with us all with him.He wanted the cheepest possible funeral, no flowers. The crematorium was so far away it was more expensive than a buriel, so we buried him in the cheepest coffin and money going to cancer care.instead of flowers. We did give him a headstone though. Any way i came back to England, and my mum followed later. But she allways felt she should have had him cremated because she felt she had left him behind. My sister and her Australian husband and children also came back to England. In 2004 my mum was diagnosed with cancer they gave her three to six weeks, we didn;t tell her it seemed such a short time, if they had said three to six months we would have told her. She came to live with us, and died on out settee exatley three weeks later. She also wanted the cheepest poss funeral. So we got a grave for three, so me and hubby can go in it, it wasn't cheap, but it will save our kids in the long run, she had a cheap coffin, and money donated to the hospice, even though we didn't use them we could have done.But now i also wish we had had dad cremated so his ashes could have gone in with her.In 2002 me and mum went back to Australia for a months holliday and to visit dads grave. She knew it would be the last time. My dad was good with wood, he could make anything. not just knocked together, realy good stuff. After he pased his three months he said to us."if i had known i was going to last this long i would have built my own coffin. and he would have done.!it wastn't a joke. I could picture him out in his work shed banging away making his own coffin. he always had a good sence of humor and was never morbid.He said to me and my sister "when i die have a quick cry and then get on with your life." He didn't want anyone morning him as such. Mum said to us "i dont want you hanging about at my grave" Although i did for a while afterwards! They were both very loving to me and my sister.when i visit her grave i sometimes think, "i'll be in there on day" but its under a tree and birds sing in it. (not that i'll here them" Any way on her head stone is my dad aswell. and room for me and hubby. The manager at the cemetery told us we have to put :buried in Australia;under my dads bit on the headstone otherwise they will think hes in the grave and will not get me AND hubby in lol. scuse spelling.

[Richard]

That's a very touching story, thanks for sharing it with us all.

Richard