Terrible joke thread

Jokes, word games, fun thread. NO DIRTY JOKES !
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

I was fixing my computer when I got a shock off the processor. It megaHz.

A teddy bear goes to work on a construction site.
He's getting on well, but one day not long after he starts his pick-axe goes missing, in fact he's quite sure that it's been stolen.
So he goes up to the foreman to explain the situation.
"Ah yes" says the foreman "we should have told you..."
"today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked



)run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
Steve the Gas

Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Steve the Gas »

Right thread Rich. )t'
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

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Kid - "Dad, why do women wear white when they get married?"

Dad - " All Kitchen Appliances come in white, son"


{rofwl} )run( )run( )run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
Steve the Gas

Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Steve the Gas »

Why are their feet smaller?

So they can get closer to the sink.

)run(
Oheckitseck

Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Oheckitseck »

This is true !!!

My line manager's wife asked him for a new watch for her Christmas last year and his response was "What do you want a watch for ?.....There's a clock on your cooker !!!" MCP or what ???

Funny though {rofwl}
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

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I was cycling home the other night when the car in front of me ran over a large rabbit.

Ah - fresh Roadkill I thought, so I wrapped in in a couple of plastic bags and placed it in my pannier.

A hundred yards down the road I was stopped by a Police Car, blue lights flashing and a Constable gets out

He was interested in what I had picked up from the road... so I explained.

He then insisted I brought the rabbit over to the Police vehicle and laid it on a blue tarpaulin, then sprinkled a few drops from a jar onto the carcass.

Lo and behold the rabbit got up and bounded off into the fields.

Amazed I asked what was in the jar, and he replied


.... Hare restorer!


)run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

Barman says to Paddy "Your glass is empty do you want another one?"
Paddy says "Why the hell would l want two empty glasses?"

Breaking News: A Police station in Huddersfield got broken into this morning and thieves stole all of their Satnavs.
Police are now looking for Leeds

Just bought a Ken doll.
I don't know what everyone's talking about, you can't read books on this thing





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Re: Terrible joke thread

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I went back to see my doctor today.

I said, "I applied the pile cream that you gave me this morning and I got a very nasty reaction."

"Where exactly did you apply it?" he asked.

I said, "On the bus."

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Steve the Gas

Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Steve the Gas »

{rofwl}
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paddy graham
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by paddy graham »

{rofwl} {rofwl} Glad to see your jokes are back,keep em coming {rofwl}
When Irish eyes are smiling,they are usually up to mischief.
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Re: Terrible joke thread

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A preacher said, "Anyone who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front, by the altar."

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in, with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week"


{rofwl} {rofwl} {rofwl}
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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Re: Terrible joke thread

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{rofwl} {rofwl} {rofwl}
Helen xx

3 children, 3 grandchildren, 3 chooks, 3 fish, a shrimp that thinks its a prawn and a dappy dog.
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Re: Terrible joke thread

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My wife was critically studying herself in the mirror and dispairingly cried out "I'm fat and I'm ugly! I need you to pay me a complement!"

I thought fast and replied "Well your eyesight remains excellent dear."


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Re: Terrible joke thread

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I was in the pub with the missus last night, and I said, " I love you. "

She said " Is that you or the beer talking ? "

I replied " It's me, talking to the beer. "


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Re: Terrible joke thread

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Why did the baker have smelly hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.

)run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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