Terrible joke thread

Jokes, word games, fun thread. NO DIRTY JOKES !
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LittleBrownFrog
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by LittleBrownFrog »

{rofwl}
"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder..." Thoreau.
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silverback
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by silverback »

A young man walks up to a shellfish stall and asks "How much are crabs?"
The man relies " £3.50 each!"
The young man say's "shake hands with a millionaire!!" :shock:
I am old and wise, because I was young and stupid!.
Oheckitseck

Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Oheckitseck »

A man walks into a pub and orders himself a beer and sits down at a table to enjoy it. However no sooner has he sat down when a lady in a short skirt hovers at his table and breaks wind right above the mans beer. So the man says "Hey Mrs are you a javelin thrower? " The lady says "What do you mean? "

The man says " Well you just Fartinma Whitbread "
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aceface
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by aceface »

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
An egg!!! {rofwl}
[center]HELPING THE LITTLE BROWN GIRLS OF THIS WORLD FIND FOREVER HOMES
Humble chicken maid to a happy little flock
Frankii Whippers leading the way with Dorey,Prila(aka Mrs Brown),Ann-a-Lou Greta, Delphine my adorable silkie,my twin girls Lana and Boudica (aka The Jedward Twins ) ,Augustine Eizabeth(aka Pippy), Rheima, Marnie and Fleur aka little miss chatterbox[/center]


Still loving and missing Skinnie Minnie and Queenie xx

Marlene you taught me how to live and laugh again xx


Isabella my darling top hen ,you stole my heart xx

Porscha my sweet little girl ,you left so suddenly xx
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aceface
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by aceface »

sorry i posted a double yolk!!!!!!
[center]HELPING THE LITTLE BROWN GIRLS OF THIS WORLD FIND FOREVER HOMES
Humble chicken maid to a happy little flock
Frankii Whippers leading the way with Dorey,Prila(aka Mrs Brown),Ann-a-Lou Greta, Delphine my adorable silkie,my twin girls Lana and Boudica (aka The Jedward Twins ) ,Augustine Eizabeth(aka Pippy), Rheima, Marnie and Fleur aka little miss chatterbox[/center]


Still loving and missing Skinnie Minnie and Queenie xx

Marlene you taught me how to live and laugh again xx


Isabella my darling top hen ,you stole my heart xx

Porscha my sweet little girl ,you left so suddenly xx
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Mo
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Mo »

Oh groan!
Dance caller. http://mo-dance-caller.blogspot.co.uk/p/what-i-do.html
Sunny Clucker enjoyed Folk music and song in mid-Cheshire
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p.penn
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by p.penn »

yike* Really sorry - thought you had posted twice and so deleted one!! >dum< Now it makes no sense whatsoever. }hairout{
Helen xx

3 children, 3 grandchildren, 3 chooks, 3 fish, a shrimp that thinks its a prawn and a dappy dog.
http://www.acountrygrandma.blogspot.com
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

What's a frog's favourite drink?

Croak-a-cola!

)run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

Guy takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"He's got awfully crossed eyes, I'm worried his vision is impaired" said the guy.
Vet inspects the dog and replies "I'm going to have to put him down"
"poo, are they that bad?" asks the owner.
"No, he's heavy."


)run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

A Drunk Man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"

The Priest replies,

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The Drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned, " Then returned to his paper.

The Priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The Drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."


)run( )run( )run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

Have we done this one yet?

My wife's been missing for a week and the police have told me to expect the worst.
So I went to the charity shop and got her clothes back.


)run( )run( )run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend?

'I went to visit my Nana'.

No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.
Use 'Big People' words!'

She then asked Mitchell what he had done
'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.

She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.
You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.

She then asked little Alex what he had done?
'I read a book' he replied.

That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said.

'What book did you read?'



( I love this...)



Alex thought real hard about it,
then puffed out his chest with great pride,
and said,
'Winnie the poo'


)run( )run( )run( )run(
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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paddy graham
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by paddy graham »

Oheckitseck wrote:A man walks into a pub and orders himself a beer and sits down at a table to enjoy it. However no sooner has he sat down when a lady in a short skirt hovers at his table and breaks wind right above the mans beer. So the man says "Hey Mrs are you a javelin thrower? " The lady says "What do you mean? "

The man says " Well you just Fartinma Whitbread "


{rofwl}
When Irish eyes are smiling,they are usually up to mischief.
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paddy graham
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by paddy graham »

Panteg Produce wrote:A Drunk Man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"

The Priest replies,

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The Drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned, " Then returned to his paper.

The Priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The Drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."


)run( )run( )run(

{rofwl}
When Irish eyes are smiling,they are usually up to mischief.
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LittleBrownFrog
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by LittleBrownFrog »

{rofwl} {rofwl}
"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder..." Thoreau.
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