Lifes unexpected turns

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boosmummy
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Lifes unexpected turns

Post by boosmummy »

I'm 33 this year (actually had to delete that because i originally put 32!) and whilst i love every aspect of my life, im feeling a little, i dont know...I have the perfect life obviously like most people we wish we had a bit more money, all those little things.. but as it goes im a lucky lass.

Then i see for example eddie izzard running 27 marathons of south africa and though i lived there when i was tiny, i will never get the opportunity to see those landscapes or visit townships. Ill never get to...olive pick in wherever you pick olives. Do you know what i mean? Do you feel like your life could be more, but want everything the same as it is?
Like ive always wanted a coffee shop, i can see it in my mind every aspect of it, it would be my dream - unless i win the lottery i dont think it ever going to happen.

Do you wish you did something or could do something with your life?
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manda
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by manda »

I do know what you mean...I loved my life in the UK but I wanted that but to do the good life thing...then the opportunity to move to NZ presented itself and so I took the plunge.

Everything was pretty much the same to begin with we were just living 12,000 miles away so we took the bull by the horns and moved South....and haven't looked back.


Years ago when I first qualified there were jobs going in Saudi but I qualified and got married in a matter of weeks so never did that...sometimes wished I had.

Now I wish I could make a living from making cheese and preserved meats ...I love everything about it it's my way of relaxing ...but then if I tried it commercially would it become a chore and then spoil it... :?
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(¸.✰´¨(¸.✰ Manda

Living our version of the Good Life with 4 dogs, 6 cats, a cow, a few sheep, Angora Goats and ???? chooks.
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wendy
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by wendy »

My goodness at 33 you have your life all ready and waiting for you.
Yes, at that age most of us are going through child rearing and making our way in life. But suddenly [all too suddenly] the children are grown and you can do what you want.
At 33 I left full time employment [downshifting] and started my own little venture. Not a lot of money but it was so much better for MY well being.
At 15 when I left school,I wanted to work with dogs and got a job with Battersea. But my parents thought it too far for me to travel and I wasn't allowed to go. Look at me now
When I was 54 we were in a position to see the World and that is what we have done, and are still doing. So evenutually I have done all that I wanted
We are now, this year, 71 and 69 and we are still travelling and seeing new places and I still work with dogs.
Chin up honey, usually life will take you where you want it to go. Just keep your dreams and aim for them {hug}
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boosmummy
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by boosmummy »

Thanks guys xx
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Scrambled
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by Scrambled »

I know exactly what you mean, boosmummy...

It's easy to feel 'trapped', especially when it seems that any options to make any changes are so few / risky, particularly in such difficult economic times. I try to combat the 'is this all there is' thoughts (which generally come when I dwell on spending my life sitting at a desk, staring at a computer and generally feeling like I'm wasting my life - but having no choice because I need to pay the mortgage, bills etc etc etc) by thinking this: ok, so ideally I'd be self-sufficient, have more land, etc etc etc. - but without a lottery win, it won't happen. So I'll make the best of the situation, and try to spend my free time doing this stuff - ok, on a smaller scale than a smallholding, but I can grow my veg, I can concentrate on my gardening and realise the dream of having some chickens...

Doesn't always chase the blues away, but it helps. If I had my time over again, I'd make sure I NEVER worked in an office...but it is what it is, for now anyway. And I AM getting those chickens soon, so that's a dream coming true )t'

I know I'm only new to this forum, but I read your posting and just had to reply {hug}
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Mo
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by Mo »

Scrambled wrote: I know I'm only new to this forum....

With that answer you show that you belong here.

Life does change and offer new opportunities.
For me it was
Education
Work for a big company - I felt very insecure at that, I wasn't good at the 'networking' side of it. I discovered that exams aren't everything.
Then along came Prince Charming, and he was earning enough for me to become a full-time Mum (hated the term 'housewife' though).
We moved to a house with a half acre so I started digging and planting furiously. And went to an evening class leaving OH to babysit, so that I could meet people over the age of 5.
Children at school so I had time for a part time job at a Playgroup.
Learnt to drive, so could take a Playgroup superviser job a few miles away. Cut back on the digging, though still grew some veg.
As a reward for learning to drive OH took me to a Barn Dance, and we found a hobby that we enjoy together, both for regular evenings out, and for Folk Festival holidays.
The Playgroup work had given me a bit of selfconfidence, and the dance club organiser was encouraging so I started calling at club.
The same organiser persuaded a band leader to take me to a Saturday Barn Dance, and that led to me getting paid bookings. And I earned more in an evening than I did for 3 morning + hours of preparation at Playgroup. (long evenings though - a days work by the time i'd travelled, set up etc)
Last child left school and I wanted something more flexible than M, W, & F every week in term time. By this time the bookings had built up so I left Playgroup. I now call about once a week, almost half are paid gigs for the general public, the rest on the rota at the clubs I go to.
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Mo
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by Mo »

Cont. as the other got too long

When I was at school I wanted to be a vet, or a teacher. I was brought up against my limitations on my first teaching practise, and though I took 'Education' as a subsidiary part of my degree I knew I would be no good in a classroom. But Playgroup filled that ambition.

When we went dancing I wanted to be a caller - and now I am.

I really envy those callers who call at festivals. Who can direct hundreds at once and explain really hard dances and know what's happening everywhere. I sometimes wish I'd started calling earlier so that I got the experience before the 'not quite as sharp as she was' set in.
I've had a taste at that, at a few Callers Workshops. And had a chance to call one dance at a Whitby Festival Ceilidh with one of the top young bands - 422. And worked at a few local festivals. Still, I know there are those who are better at it than I am, so I just enjoy dancing to them.

Don't suppose you wanted my life story. I just meant to say that things change, so be ready to grab the next opportunity.
Dance caller. http://mo-dance-caller.blogspot.co.uk/p/what-i-do.html
Sunny Clucker enjoyed Folk music and song in mid-Cheshire
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boosmummy
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by boosmummy »

Its funny this topic came back up because i've just been talking about it tonight with some friends and my mum. Firstly, thanks for your replies, secondly, mo, i don't suppose you're cambridge folk festivalling this year? they have a silent ceilidh. If you are going let me know because i am too. Thirdly, after a posted this topic a few weeks ago, i realised i had put it in the wrong sub forum section!

My problem is, I'm ridiculously indecisive and also I've been so lucky through out my adult life (if thats a problem), i'll run it down for you. I went to college when i finished school, I then decided to go to uni to study social work (whilst working 2 jobs) and 2 and a half years in of a three year course on course for a 2:1 I decided to leave! Stupid i know!! but it just wasn't for me, i knew i didnt want to do it, it would have made sense to at least get a degree, but i didn't. I mulled around flitting between jobs mainly admin, had boo in 2006, went back to work full time when she was 11 weeks old, split up with her dad when she was 4 months old and met mr husband when she was 6 months. Looking back now i had severe PND and was diagnosed with it when she was 1, mr husband recognised it and really pulled me through it. I was then given the choice to not work and get better by him and essentially learn how to be a mum. when she reached about 18 months i had a new job again in admin and got glandulafever which led to M.E.. I decided (for some unknown reason at this point) that hairdressing was the way forward, mr husband paid for the course etc...and at which time we were planning our wedding due to my mother in law having cancer and a limited time to live (she died 6 weeks after we got married). Shortly, after we got married i got an official diagnosis of M.E told to give up running which i loved, told to give up work (by this point i was a qualified hairdresser who hated cutting hair! in fact i hated hairdressing and yet mr husband paid for this course! another college/uni course down the drain!), recuperate. I was using a stick, nearly in a wheelchair but thankfully not.

That was app. 3/4 years ago. I now work part time in an office, i still sleep every day for 2-4 hours, i work on my allotment and i genuinely love my life. I just want something, i'd like to go to college to do something like gardening but i dont want it to be a just another phase, i want/need something to stick to (which is totally out of my nature). I want to work towards something. I know why i want to do gardening its because i enjoy it right now, the likelihood is, once i study it and have to do it for a living i might not enjoy it and i dont want to do that again.

On a separate note, ive just taken on another allotment (see, flighty!). the local hospice where my mother in law died need volunteers to help run their allotment. I saw the advert on tuesday morning got my application form in and went to see it tuesday afternoon, both references in by weds. That's just an example of how impulsive i am! And i start next week. Im hoping that i will enjoy something that isnt my own and maby it will help me make the decision.

Sorry for the long post about my life xx
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rhubarb93
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by rhubarb93 »

As I see it, you have so much courage and enthusiasm, the right thing will come along eventually and you will know it when you see it.
Meanwhile just carry on enjoying all the good things you have (but you don't need me to tell you that) and be prepared to grab that opportunity when it comes (and you don't need me to tell you that either!)
How about that coffee shop? I could see you being a wonderful, welcoming hostess. What's holding you back from giving that a go? If it is just the funding, you could start small with maybe a coffee-and-cake stall at a few fairs and use it to test the waters.
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Mo
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by Mo »

Thanks for your story.
Don't think of those courses as wasted, you've learnt a lot. OK some of it is about you and what you are not suited for, and that can really knock your confidence.
But just because you didn't get a degree doesn't mean that you've lost all the things you learnt.
'In my young day' (how we used to laugh when a teacher said that!) it was only the swots that did courses. The rest got on and learnt on the job - informal or formal apprenticeships, learning what they needed to know when they needed it. When I started at Playgroup there was an evening class run by the Preschool Learning Alliance (the PPA then), 40 evenings. They also had a book box so we could read up between classes and that was where I learnt the most. After a bit they brought in an NVQ. So people who took it had a 'proper qualification' but (rightly or wrongly) I thought that my 10 years experience, reading and thought meant I didn't need that. There's no formal course for being a caller, though there are workshops at festivals. I often find that the things that stick from a workshops are the problems you are up against at the time - the ones you've already solved you just agree or disagree with what's said, and some you haven't met so can't really relate to. But the most valuable thing is just chatting to others doing the same, or watching callers as I dance.
There's no course for being a parent, which is the most important job going.
Dance caller. http://mo-dance-caller.blogspot.co.uk/p/what-i-do.html
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boosmummy
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by boosmummy »

rhubarb93 wrote:As I see it, you have so much courage and enthusiasm, the right thing will come along eventually and you will know it when you see it.
Meanwhile just carry on enjoying all the good things you have (but you don't need me to tell you that) and be prepared to grab that opportunity when it comes (and you don't need me to tell you that either!)
How about that coffee shop? I could see you being a wonderful, welcoming hostess. What's holding you back from giving that a go? If it is just the funding, you could start small with maybe a coffee-and-cake stall at a few fairs and use it to test the waters.


I would love the coffee shop, but yes its the funding. And I would need to improve my baking skills. Maybe I could go on a cake baking course? X I like the idea of the coffee and cake stall xx thanks rhubarb xx

Thanks mo. A lot of it has been confidence in the past definitely with those other courses. I love you guys xx
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Mo
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by Mo »

Tell us more about the set up at the new allotment. Why does a hospice have one, for a start. Who will be deciding what to plant etc. And how on earth will you find the time - sounds like you have your hands full already!
That will be another phase of your education, and give you a chance to see what you enjoy.

Good luck with it.

No we don't go to Cambridge festival, there seem to be several to choose from every weekend in summer and we only go to 4. Not sure I should say which on an open forum as I advertise online so people could easily find my empty house.
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Mo
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by Mo »

If you volunteer for the hospice I bet they would give you opportunities to improve your baking. Home made cakes and hot drinks always seem to be a part of any fund-raising event. You may not be paid for your time, but then you're not on a course either. If they have a coffee shop working in that would give you a good idea of the downside as well as the pluses.
But maybe you should give the 2 allotments your time first.

Draw up a plan. Time available.
Time allocated to your 4 jobs -
1. homemaker & mum
2. office worker and earner
3. alloment owner and food provider
4. volunteer allotmenteer and trainee gardener
5. Time for yourself awake
6. Sleep time.

Maybe give it a date when you will review and see if you want to drop the 2nd allotment and start baking. 3 months, a year, 2 years. Reconsider then unless you have reason to change things earlier. Meanwhile do some research. Everytime you buy a cup of coffee or walk past a coffee shop note the price and the number of customers and workers. Work out the cash flow.
Last edited by Mo on 29 Jun 2013, 10:52, edited 1 time in total.
Dance caller. http://mo-dance-caller.blogspot.co.uk/p/what-i-do.html
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Mo
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by Mo »

I do know how hard it is to decide.
When I was doing Playgroup I was also looking for a job that paid money. Working at playgroup meant we had to run a second car and they paid less than minimum wage so I was out of pocket. I loved working with the children but felt undervalued. Whenever I asked OH for advice all he would say was it was my decision - I could have hit him. Even though he was right (in a way).
Dance caller. http://mo-dance-caller.blogspot.co.uk/p/what-i-do.html
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boosmummy
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Re: Lifes unexpected turns

Post by boosmummy »

Mo wrote:Tell us more about the set up at the new allotment. Why does a hospice have one, for a start. Who will be deciding what to plant etc. And how on earth will you find the time - sounds like you have your hands full already!
That will be another phase of your education, and give you a chance to see what you enjoy.



The new allotment is about 1/3 ish of the size of mine. They have raised beds so people in wheelchairs can access the planting and a greenhouse. The walks between the beds are currently shale but will be tarmaced in the next few weeks for better accessibility.

The allotment itself was started last year and is used by the day therapy team. They wanted somewhere that they could plant etc.. but struggle to maintain it. Essentially they will be deciding what to plant and where and from what i gather i will be maintaining it and for example, if they want to plant a tree, i'll be digging the hole etc.. or if its a hot day and there's no one there that day ill go and water It's only a couple of hours a week and as much or as little as i want. They know about the m.e and are quite happy to work around it.

Mo wrote:If you volunteer for the hospice I bet they would give you opportunities to improve your baking. Home made cakes and hot drinks always seem to be a part of any fund-raising event. You may not be paid for your time, but then you're not on a course either. If they have a coffee shop working in that would give you a good idea of the downside as well as the pluses.
But maybe you should give the 2 allotments your time first.

Draw up a plan. Time available.
Time allocated to your 4 jobs -
1. homemaker & mum
2. office worker and earner
3. alloment owner and food provider
4. volunteer allotmenteer and trainee gardener
5. Time for yourself awake
6. Sleep time.

Maybe give it a date when you will review and see if you want to drop the 2nd allotment and start baking. 3 months, a year, 2 years. Reconsider then unless you have reason to change things earlier. Meanwhile do some research. Everytime you buy a cup of coffee or walk past a coffee shop note the price and the number of customers and workers. Work out the cash flow.


I think all of this is a really good idea mo xx

Mo wrote:I do know how hard it is to decide.
When I was doing Playgroup I was also looking for a job that paid money. Working at playgroup meant we had to run a second car and they paid less than minimum wage so I was out of pocket. I loved working with the children but felt undervalued. Whenever I asked OH for advice all he would say was it was my decision - I could have hit him. Even though he was right (in a way).


hahahaha i know. Im trying to use my bike more at the moment for the reason above the 2nd car is just a drain on my finances.

In fact ive just cycled to and back from the allotment this morning, it was an absolute killer! enjoyable though. And now im going to look for a recipe to make a cofee and walnut cake i think. maybe do some baking this afternoon (and try not to eat it, as it will reek havoc on my waist line!!) xx
photos of allotment & other nice things: http://pinterest.com/girlontheplot/

Follow my blog:
http://girlontheplot.blogspot.co.uk/


Just make sure my think works are wound extra tight, and I will formulate a plan!

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