Terrible joke thread

Jokes, word games, fun thread. NO DIRTY JOKES !
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Panteg Produce
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Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

And you starter for ten is .....



A man walks into the bar and asks for a triple whisky.

The bar tender hands it over.

The man takes a sip and swallows then says 'you know, with what I've got, I shouldn't be drinking this'.

The bar tender asks 'what's that?'

the man replies...





'33p'


:-D
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
LittleBrownFrog

Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by LittleBrownFrog »

{rofwl} That one is such a 'Dad' joke!
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

Why is Cinderella crap at football?









She always runs away from the ball.
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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Don Roberto
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Don Roberto »

A man walks into a pub, and the landlord says "do you want to see my dancing duck" The landlord puts a biscuit tin on the bar, and stands a big white duck on the tin, the duck immediately starts to tap dance. The guy asks the landlord "how much do you want for the duck" "50 quid" says the landlord "and I'll throw the biscuit tin in for free" The guy has a pint and go's home. At 3.00 am he phones the landlord and asks "how do I stop this duck from dancing ?" The landlord says "take the duck off the biscuit tin, lift up the lid and blow out the candles".
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paddy graham
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by paddy graham »

Don Roberto wrote:A man walks into a pub, and the landlord says "do you want to see my dancing duck" The landlord puts a biscuit tin on the bar, and stands a big white duck on the tin, the duck immediately starts to tap dance. The guy asks the landlord "how much do you want for the duck" "50 quid" says the landlord "and I'll throw the biscuit tin in for free" The guy has a pint and go's home. At 3.00 am he phones the landlord and asks "how do I stop this duck from dancing ?" The landlord says "take the duck off the biscuit tin, lift up the lid and blow out the candles".

{rofwl} {rofwl}
When Irish eyes are smiling,they are usually up to mischief.
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p.penn
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by p.penn »

{rofwl} {rofwl}
Helen xx

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lizziedoggarden
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by lizziedoggarden »

{rofwl} {rofwl}
Don't dream it, BE it....


Am looking forward to welcoming Sunny Clucker to Woodbridge Suffolk!!!!!
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

There was a wooden train
and it had a wooden engine
It had wooden wheels and wooden doors and floors.

Guess what?



It wooden work!


{rofwl}
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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paddy graham
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by paddy graham »

Just been to the corner shop,
I bought four corners.
When Irish eyes are smiling,they are usually up to mischief.
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spudley
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by spudley »

what do you call a dear that cant see?







....noidea





what do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?






.....doyouthinkhesawus rex
5 dogs, 15 chickens (6 ex batts) 1 cockerel, and very limited tech skills
Steve the Gas

Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Steve the Gas »

A deer that can't see and no legs?


Still no ideer.....
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foghornleghorn2
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by foghornleghorn2 »

In a recent survey six out of seven dwarves admitted they were not happy.

I was at a quiz the other night and a question came up "Where do women have the curliest hair" ? Apparently the correct answer is Fiji :oops:
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ChrisG

Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by ChrisG »

foghornleghorn2 wrote:I was at a quiz the other night and a question came up "Where do women have the curliest hair" ? Apparently the correct answer is Fiji :oops:


{rofwl}
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Panteg Produce
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

I got a new pair of Meatloaf boxers. On the front it reads "I would do anything for love..." And on the back "...but I won't do that".



{rofwl}
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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Re: Terrible joke thread

Post by Panteg Produce »

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table... He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.



Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.




'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.



They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by
drinks.

They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She
listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.


The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings..

The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!


'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you
meet?'



'No,' she replies…












Wait for it…




















It's coming…















The suspense is killing you, isn't it?












She says,

'You just happened to catch my eye.’
Live a simple life and be happy , Rich.
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