Pretending to be ill as a form of attention seeking

elljay · Post by **elljay** » 22 Feb 2009, 10:13

Does anyone know anything about the above? Apparently it's a well known psychiatric condition but I don't know any medical terms for it.

What happened is that last evening I had a call from a friend who is in her 70s that I worked with and have remained friends. The call started in the usual chatty way but as I was about to go she started telling me about her daughter. This person is in her late 40s I think and tells everyone she has different illnesses when in reality there's nothing wrong with her. She has apparently always done this. It came to a head when my friend got a call from a friend of her daughters as she had become suspicious about the latest cancer (the same type as Jade Goody) and the friend was actually concerned that no one from the family was going through it with her. It seems that every time some illness is on tv, or someone else has some obscure medication, this daughter gets the same thing, though she must be famous in medical circles. having beaten so many usually fatal diseases! She is also in receipt of a whole raft of benefits and other things, like a free car, disabled parking etc because of all these illnesses. (That bit really makes my blood boil!!) My friend is distraught that her daughter should be like this, and feels embarrassed that she has told her friends all about the illnesses, not realising they weren't for real. Obviously the real illness is mental not physical. I do happen to know this woman's GP, he's a real wet weekend and I know that if she went to see him with some medical form for a benefit, he would sign it just to get rid of her.

sorry to go on, and I feel as though I have broken a confidence but my friend doesn't use the net and although the daughter spends most of the day on the net, I don't think she would read this forum. Can anyone help me to find more information about this to help my friend? She's a widow and I feel she turned to me as a last resort, not wanting to speak about her own daughter in this way. I'd like to understand this more so I can help my friend know how to deal with it. I might give MIND a ring tomorrow but any ideas anyone has, or maybe knows someone who does this, I'd love to hear from you. Personally I'm proud of being fit and well so I don't understand how someone can be proud, as she is, of having loads of illnesses.

Thanks for listening, it's just so unfair that a lady in her 70s should have to be worrying about her daughter, she should be having fun and enjoying her freedom from family worries. It makes me so grateful my own children are so normal and lovely.

Liz

chickenchaser · Post by **chickenchaser** » 22 Feb 2009, 10:23

It's called "Munchhausen's Syndrome" or "Munchhausen's Syndrome by Proxy".

The syndrome on it's own is when a person pretends to be, or purposely makes themselves ill so they can receive attention and medical treatment.

The second is where a parent pretends a child is ill, or actually makes a child ill, so they get attention via the child.

It is a severe mental condition which needs attention.

I think there are probably varying degrees of the illness so one person may just blatently lie, or perhaps does actually believe they have all these different illnesses.

We all know someone who's a bit of a hypochondriac.

xandra3004 · Post by **xandra3004** » 22 Feb 2009, 10:23

Hi Liz

I am not a medical expert but I seem to recall that there is a condition called Munschausen (not sure if thats spelt properly) and those affected either cause harm to themselves or feign syptoms of diseases (usually rare and hard to diagnose) for the attention. There is also Munschausen by proxy where a carer or relative uses someone close to them in the same way (ie the relative or dependant is harmed or symptons exaggerated) so that they get attention in a less direct way.

I only have come across it through some books I have read and am by no means an expert. If your friend's daughter does have something like this then you are doing the right thing as it is a serious mental problem that needs recognising and treating before any serious harm can be done.

Good luck!!

elljay · Post by **elljay** » 22 Feb 2009, 18:52

Thank you to both so very much. That's it exactly. I'd heard of the 'by proxy' version, not the original. I need somehow to let my friend know not to confront her daughter, from what I've read it seems that might prompt her to do herself a real injury.

Thanks again, I'm really so grateful - Liz

Effie · Post by **Effie** » 22 Feb 2009, 19:17

Can't go into details but I have had experience of something similar. It's very real anad very worrying for those who care about the person who is ill.

Effie

Lilo-Lil · Post by **Lilo-Lil** » 22 Feb 2009, 19:27

Someone I know suffers from this, but as she doesnt have kids she uses her pets to get attention. She will often exergerate an illness or take them to the vet for things others would let ride. Then she will ignore vet advise and make the problem worse. The poor animals do occasionally suffer so she can gain the attention from others.

I daren`t challenge her as she will refuse to admit that things are not as they seem. She cannot take constructive critisism in any form even when she has asked for help with a problem, either medical or behavioural. This includes professional people she pays for their help.

If I see her I let it all go in one ear and out the other. I dont feel it is my role to try invervene, that is up to her family and the professionals. I do the same with another friend who has bouts of depression, it was hard to not intervene the first time but she has finally got the help she was crying out for and is finally starting to get her life together.

I work with some very damaged kids, and one or two of them will also exagerate a situation or the illness of a relative to gain attention. Again, expert help is what they need. I dont let them know I know they are lying, but refer them on to the people who can help them.

It`s very hard to know who to turn to, especially if you are a friend not a relative. All you can do is support your friend and be a sympathetic ear for her. Thank goodness she has you to lean on.

chickenchaser · Post by **chickenchaser** » 22 Feb 2009, 21:01

elljay wrote:Thank you to both so very much. That's it exactly. I'd heard of the 'by proxy' version, not the original. I need somehow to let my friend know not to confront her daughter, from what I've read it seems that might prompt her to do herself a real injury.

Thanks again, I'm really so grateful - Liz

Why don't you print a load of info off the net and ask her if it reminds her of anyone? You should be able to get all the advice your friend needs, at least I hope so )t'

Lilo-lil. I agree completely.I've done it myself but once you take on other people's troubles as your own, your just causing yourself illness and heartache +cry+

kate egg · Post by **kate egg** » 22 Feb 2009, 22:15

I have heard of this - people actually go through with operations that they don't need just because they need the medical attention :shock:

They are kind of addicted to hospital / medical treatments..

elljay · Post by **elljay** » 22 Feb 2009, 22:35

From what I've read it seems as though there is little treatment that is very effective, as generally people don't realise they have a mental illness and certainly wont admit what they're doing. That being so I don't know what I can suggest to my friend, a listening ear is all I can be but I really think she needs more help than that. I don't want to get too embroiled in it all, but I get the feeling my friend doesn't feel she can confide in too many people about this, she feels ashamed that she has colluded with her daughter's lies.

I'll do some more reading, thanks to you all I now know far more about this than I did this time last night. I'm going to find some not too scary info and pass to my friend. She can then maybe speak to her daughter about it. The last thing she said to me last night was that she doesn't want to see her for a bit, which is the saddest thing for an elderly person to think about her own child. And what if the daughter really got something wrong with her? Crying wolf once too often.

Thanks yet again. Liz

echelon · Post by **echelon** » 24 Feb 2009, 09:18

I knew somebody who pretended she had a brain tumour. She made up the name of the specialist that she was supposedly being treated by and shaved some of her hair off. Her family were very upset, but her story was revealed when her brother tried to contact the aforementioned specialist and he turned out to be a phantom.

I did encounter somebody when I was training who used to pretend to have fits. The doctors all fell for her ruse, but the nurses were less than impressed as her 'fits' were clearly staged and she had none of the usual epileptic signs that you can observe during a genuine fit.

mrs butzi · Post by **mrs butzi** » 23 Mar 2009, 23:43

I am a Physiotherapist and have a very good friend who works in a specialist ' somatophorm 'unit. Somatophorms can have signs and symptoms which appear very real and true to them but are produced entirely as a result of psychological events. i.e there is no virul / bacterial /physical cause for the signs and symptoms they present with
They're not malingerers ( who 'fake' symptoms in order to provoke some gain - usually monetary - and do not continue with the pretence when with their nearest and dearest) but genuinely have these symptoms. It can be extremely frustrating and upsetting for those on the side lines but if a true problem needs some specialist help - for all those concerned !